he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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