My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
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