The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
