so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
