hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
