No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The air taste purple.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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