So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
