totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
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You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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