hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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