this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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