Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
