she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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