brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got chris browned last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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