There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
