you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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