I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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