3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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