Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
