Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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