U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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