Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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