Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
It's never too late to be topless.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.