I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.