Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.