Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.