I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
