That's when you crack a 10am beer
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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