Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
where am i from again
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
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Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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