Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize