we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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