last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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