The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize