I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
