i always forget guys have bellybuttons
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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