I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
