I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
