I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
