so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
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Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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