Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
