I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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