can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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