wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
