I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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