I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Randomize
