i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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