you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
