We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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