This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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