My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
