I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
