You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
