the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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