She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
