Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
