I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
