What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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