Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
