Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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