News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
