I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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