I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
NoShamevember. You game?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
