He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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