If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
