This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
